King Khan is at ease. Sipping black coffee, comfortably ensconced in his favourite sofa at Mannat's library — even as his latest film Chennai Express bolts past every record and chart — Shah Rukh Khan decides to talk to us about relationships. The relationships that he holds dear, and some that have shaped him as a human being. Excerpts from the interview...
Relationship with Aryan, Suhana:They are my best friends. Both of them have a good sense of humour, like me. And they are both mad, like me. But there are two parts to them. It's like this... when I want to be foolish, silly and let my hair down, I go to my son. When I have been too foolish, too silly, let my hair down for too long, and I need to be reprimanded and shown the guiding light, I go to my daughter. When I'm really sad and disturbed about something, it's Suhana I'll be sitting with. I have never found anyone with more clarity of thought or simplicity than my daughter. When I'm my happiest, I celebrate with Aryan. Let's put it this way: He's the one I party with and she's the one who gets me into the mood to party.
... AbRam: I'm not supposed to see him too often. So I see him a couple of times through a glass window. He still has to be protected from any infection. I've always maintained one thing, what I am, should not cast a shadow over my children. Negative or positive. They should have their own lives. But I do feel that my name has cast a shadow on AbRam without his knowledge. I'll have to wait for him to grow up a little and then... not apologise, but say, 'hey listen... it won't happen again'. I still don't have as much access to him as I'd like to.
... Gauri: We've known each other since 1984. That makes it what, almost 30 years? It cannot be defined. Gauri tells me that because of work, I've spent such little time with her that our relationship still seems fresh. We came to Mumbai right after marriage, for a honeymoon. Initially, we thought we'd give it a try for a year. It's 22 years now. So much has happened in our lives that we haven't had the time to sit and discuss, 'what is our relationship about?'. And I think it's a good way to be, that we haven't had the time to talk about our relationship. We have one child who is taller than me now. And my daughter will be taller than Gauri in a year or so I think. And now, we have another one... We have a house and we have a name. I think we've just been sucked up by life and pushed along. So we've never really sat down and even chatted about our relationship. If you ask me, 'where are we headed?' You know, we are just flying with everything that life is taking us through... I have no idea how to be without this relationship. It's been so long. More than half my life. So it's indescribable. Our lives have changed course so often. Gauri and I have gone through a lot of happenings and there have been a lot of peaks. And I think the peaks have been there so often that we've never had the time to sit and know each other. And it's nice.
... Fame: I think fame and I are great bed partners. We seldom fight. We enjoy each other's company. Sometimes, like a lot of lovers, we feel we are made for each other. I don't know whether that's good. I don't take it seriously enough to change from within. And we are not jealous of each other. We don't fight. If fame is ahead at times, it's alright, If I'm ahead, that's fine too. We give each other space and meet twice a year or maybe during IPL. We both understand the downside of the relationship. And the best part is that neither of us has ever blamed each other for anything. So it's a good marriage. I think fame has a good ambassador in me. Hopefully, we will have a lot of children. Like Chennai Express, IPL victory (laughs heartily)...
... SRK the actor: Extremely personal. Very guarded. Just because I'm self-deprecating about my acting and play it off the cuff does not mean it is not serious. I hide the seriousness of this relationship from the world. I can't explain to people how I act. Some feel I don't know how to; some feel, I overdo it; some say it's just hype; some say, I'm a performer; some say, I'm lucky. Very few people know that my acting skills are deeper than my dimples (smiles). But like I can't explain my dimples, I can't explain my acting. Agar bata diya toh kya kiya? There should be an enigma to your acting. I have no secrets otherwise. If you talk to me, I'll joke about it. I'll say, haan mujhe yehi paanch expression aate hai. I've hidden that part of me under the garb of self deprecation, like my fame. And just like my fame, publicly, I wear my acting like a T-shirt not a tuxedo. I don't want it to be seen on me in a serious way. I'm a very easygoing, humble, sweet, jolly good fellow on the sets as a professional; but let me tell you, as an actor. I'm extremely arrogant. And that arrogance nobody sees. It sounds childish, but I know how to act. It's as simple as that.
... Parents: Strangely spiritual now. During the good times, I really miss my parents. They did not get to see my stardom. My father didn't even know I'll be an actor. My mother thought I was the most beautiful child in the world (hearty laughter) so she thought I'll be a star, in spite of being told I'm not very photogenic. So, she would have been very happy. I tried to show her my first serial Circus, but she was in coma. She couldn't watch it.
I think they are two stars and I know the stars. I go and pray to them every night. I carry them with me, in my bag or in my locket. When I'm really, really sad, I call upon them and tell them: 'tell God to make this alright'. I hardly pray for myself and when I do pray, I tell my parents to convey my message to God, you know. Because since they have died, I've become world famous. So God must be listening to my parents somewhere. You have to lose your parents some day. You have to lose everything.
I think my son and daughter are replacements. I know I would have gone to my mother for trouble, and to my father for celebration. And now, I go to Suhana and Aryan, respectively, for the same. Strangely, they remind me of my parents physically too. And I have this strange, stupid, silly, retarded belief of being invincible because my parents are up there. I think they take care of me. You can't physically, emotionally, mentally break me.
... Fans: I don't know what to do with them. There are days I want to stand on the roof, take my clothes off, jump on them and say, 'please, eat me, drink me up, do what you wish to'. They scratch me, pull me, love me. They touch my hair as if it's their own hair. I would love to spend days with them, meeting them one by one. I could dedicate my life to doing that. I just want to be enveloped, eaten up and be digested by my fans.
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