How Bollywood inevitably stereotyped gay characters?

Portrayal of homosexuality in mainstream Indian cinema? Chal hat halkat, yeh kya poochhta hai? Even the makers of the movies might not understand such highbrow... err... kya? Mainstream kya? The representation of homosexuality in Bollywood almost underlines an inherent homophobia, and is at best a dandyish caricature attempting bad comedy, at worst, an offending innuendo; very rarely a woman, and no matter from which part of the world he is in the film, has a strange 'gay' accent. And of course, there are these six 'must-do' things for any Bollywood queer...

Wear kajal, sway his hips: So what if the usual, regular gay guy never wears kajal, and struts better than Brad Pitt in real life? If he ever has a chance of surviving in Bollywood, he must wear kajal of the kohl variety, and so the Gajagamini walk to beat Madhuri. No wonder he sighs so often.

Never go plain: You need floral shirts in colours so bright you can be spotted from Mars without difficulty, and matching neon pants. A scarf in a contrasting colour only adds to your personality. Oh, those pants must be tight, so you can sway your hips correctly. And if the heroine still hasn't figured out your sexuality, you can hold hands like John and Abhishek in Dostana and chorus, Hum gay hain for good measure.

The hand must hang: Now, this is a fine art he no doubt developed over the years. Whether he is walking, fighting, drinking a glass of water, or even driving, the left (or the right) must hang just so, at the wrists, from hands folded at the elbows and held close to the torso.

The lip bite: He must suggestively bite his lips while looking at the hero, or his best pal, sending the maid or at least one of the handymen about the house scampering off, chanting Hanuman Chalisa or some such. He can do it once, or as often as he wants - a hit formula for this hasn't been discovered yet. And when you open those lips, remember, that strange singsong accent is a must.

Ham it up: If the script doesn't say that you do all of the above because the character is not actually gay, what the heck, you go ahead and do all of that anyway, only exaggerate it some more, a la SRK and Saif Ali Khan in Kal Ho Na Ho, and continue doing it till Kantaben and the audience faints.

Have a hot girlfriend: It's best if the heroine is your best pal, because you get to sway in every frame, compete for glam dresses with Priyanka Chopra, like in Fashion, get to do all of the above with the hero, and say 'babe' or 'baby' endless times.

Sigh loudly at everything in pants: Oh, and remember that half-a-second gay character in Salman's Bodyguard? Well, if I'm gay on screen, I should go Oui maa! and sigh loudly, and bend awkwardly every time something in pants walks past, and agar woh hero hua, toh hai rabba, mein toh paani paani... and all. Also call his heroine kalmuhi occasionally.