01
Paris Hilton goes skiing in Aspen: Differences between us and Paris Hilton on a skiing trip: More sweat, less Chanel, and a suspicion that those ski boots aren't pinching her toes and she doesn't have to carry her own poles
02
Rihanna goes to Barbados: Barring a few "suspicious cigarettes" and 187 bikini shots, you probably won't know much about that though, she's awfully private. An obscure celebrity reappears five stone lighter with an excercise DVD to flog, Until May they'll extol the virtues of zumba and celery, then they'll realise that they'd better start overeating again if they're going to have time to put the weight on for the Obligatory Before Bikini Shot, get the next DVD deal and lose the weight for Christmas 2014. Repeat
03
Jennifer Aniston goes to Cabo: She may take Justin, she may take Chelsea Handler, she may take Courteney Cox, but rest assured that if you ever want to track down Jennifer Aniston, bide your time until the end of December, stroll up and down the poshest beach in Mexico, look for a black bikini and good hair, and you will find your girl
04
Simon Cowell Rides a jet ski: Around the 1st January, Simon Cowell stands up from his Barbados villa sun lounger, grabs aviators and a life jacket (to be worn open allowing full view of chest hair and hint of moob) and jumps on a jet ski. If this ever doesn't happen, presume you've got the dates wrong and it's August. Or that the world's ended. He also populates the Barbados with his girlfriends "Sinitta, would you like to spend New Year with me?" "No thanks New Boyfriend, I'd like to spend it in Barbados with my ex boyfriend, his other ex girlfriends and the mother of his future child. Don't worry though, you can come too."
05
Gwyneth Paltrow goes on a sandwich binge: Kidding! Clearly January is a month made for Gwyneth, so look out for her extolling the virtues of detoxing/ juicing on her detoxing/ juicing favouring website
06
Mariah Carey also goes skiing in Aspen and clicks lot of snaps: Though to be fair, ever since All I Want For Christmas, Mariah is the official celebrity boss of Winter so can do what the hell she likes
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